Dear Tabitha,When I heard about the self-inflicted death of your abuser, I felt compelled to write you this open letter.
The only thing I know about you comes from the Voice of the Martyrs media release and the Bartlesville police department, both of which describe you as 'a young girl."
They also said that your abuser, Tom White, had "inappropriate contact" with you. Many of the young girls I know are computer savvy, and if you search for information regarding Tom's death, I hope the Lord will guide you to this open letter. If, after reading it, you feel loved, understood, and encouraged, then I will have accomplished what I believe God intended.
I have chosen to address you, Tabitha, because this name accurately represents your character. Tabitha means "gentle and kind." In the New Testament, one of the women admired by all the disciples was named Tabitha. She was known for her gentle, trusting character, and most of all, for her desire to do good. These things, by God's grace, precisely define who you are. How do I know this? Because you and your family were close to Tom White.
I have chosen to address you, Tabitha, because this name accurately represents your character. Tabitha means "gentle and kind." In the New Testament, one of the women admired by all the disciples was named Tabitha. She was known for her gentle, trusting character, and most of all, for her desire to do good. These things, by God's grace, precisely define who you are. How do I know this? Because you and your family were close to Tom White.
You share the same values of caring for Christ and His people, particularly those Christians who are being persecuted around the world. Unfortunately, you have suffered the most severe type of personal persecution there is. The invisible physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries that every adult should respect in young girls have been violated by your abuser. What makes your abuse even more horrific is that it came from someone trusted by us all. I am proud that you talked about what happened to you.
You did well! I admire your courage and strength. Tabitha, you did well! You have strength and character. I marvel at your wisdom for your age. I have a daughter of my own that I dearly love, and you exhibit all the characteristics I see in her. If I could, I would adopt you as my own.
In Acts 9, when Tabitha died in Joppa, her death was important enough for the disciples to come to her home immediately without delay (Acts 9:38). Though I cannot physically come to your home today, I send this letter with the prayer that it finds its way to you. There are a few things you may want to know about me. I am in Christian ministry.
In Acts 9, when Tabitha died in Joppa, her death was important enough for the disciples to come to her home immediately without delay (Acts 9:38). Though I cannot physically come to your home today, I send this letter with the prayer that it finds its way to you. There are a few things you may want to know about me. I am in Christian ministry.
As already mentioned above, I am a husband and father. For many years, I have sought to help young girls who have been abused. The first person I thought about when I read the story of your abuser's death was you. I do not view his death as something more tragic than his abuse of you. Let me say that again in a different way. The abuse perpetrated on you is far more tragic than your abuser's death. I didn't think of his ministry, his reputation, or even his family when I first heard about his death. I thought about you.
I know that last Wednesday, a portion of you died when you heard of Tom White's death. My grandfather, who was in the ministry, once wrote, "Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind." The news must have been overwhelming to you and your family.
I know that last Wednesday, a portion of you died when you heard of Tom White's death. My grandfather, who was in the ministry, once wrote, "Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind." The news must have been overwhelming to you and your family.
In some ways, you may feel relieved that you will not have to continue to talk about your abuse in the police station or the courthouse, but inside, you feel diminished because Tom White is dead. Others around you are comforting you and telling you the truth, but my hope is that God will startle you by allowing you to read this letter and know that He is speaking to you through a perfect stranger who understands:
(1). You are not responsible for your abuser's death.
There will be times when you may feel that if you had kept quiet and not said anything about what happened, then the tragic events of last week would not have occurred. When those times come, please remember the truth. You are no more responsible for your abuser's death than you are for your abuse. Anytime you start to have thoughts of "If I only had..." or "If I had not...", push them out by knowing that God alone holds the keys of life and death, and He never gives them over to us. More importantly, bringing to light the abuse is not the cause of your abuser's death. Your abuser's sin, shame, and his lack of personal responsibility and courage are the direct causes of his death. Your abuser took his own life, and you had nothing to do with it.
(2). Your life is not defined by your abuse or your abuser's death.
Yes, it will be difficult to ever forget what has happened over the past few months, but it is one thing to remember events, quite another to be defined by them. You are a child of God who has significance, value, and worth because of Him. Your future is His. One of these days, I believe that you will be able to help other people overcome the pain of abuse because God has granted you the special grace of experiencing supernatural healing that only comes through enduring unnatural hurt. You have been abused, but you are not defined by that abuse. Your personhood is defined by your God, and He makes no mistakes.
(3). Your ultimate healing (and mine) will one day be in the presence of Christ.
The Bible does not tell us a great deal about heaven, but one description given is that He (Christ) will "wipe away every tear." All the tears caused by the dysfunction and curse of sin will be wiped away by Christ. I don't know how it happens, but somehow, someway, the reconciliation between the abused and the abuser will occur in the presence of Christ. When you are unsure of your forgiveness of your abuser now (a natural feeling, by the way), turn it over to Christ. When you doubt your ability to ever desire to see or speak to your abuser again (a very natural feeling as well), turn it over to Christ. Your abuser professed faith in our Christ, and for many years, he worked to lead others to know Christ. However, no matter what he did on earth for the good of God's kingdom, what he did to you on earth is unconscionable and inexcusable. Christ knows that better than you or I.
Only Christ can bring about the needed reconciliation. He will bring it to pass. Don't despair. Your complete healing is coming one day. And when it comes, it will be done right, with utter and absolute grace and righteousness, and it will be a permanent solution to the wounds in your soul and the sin in your abuser. Christ alone has the kind of power that can wipe away your tears. He will. Until then, I pray you experience Him as your "balm in Gilead."
If, and until we meet in person by God's Providence, know that you have a friend, a Christian pastor serving in the same state as you, who cares for you far more than you may ever comprehend.
In His Love and Grace,
Wade Burleson
(1). You are not responsible for your abuser's death.
There will be times when you may feel that if you had kept quiet and not said anything about what happened, then the tragic events of last week would not have occurred. When those times come, please remember the truth. You are no more responsible for your abuser's death than you are for your abuse. Anytime you start to have thoughts of "If I only had..." or "If I had not...", push them out by knowing that God alone holds the keys of life and death, and He never gives them over to us. More importantly, bringing to light the abuse is not the cause of your abuser's death. Your abuser's sin, shame, and his lack of personal responsibility and courage are the direct causes of his death. Your abuser took his own life, and you had nothing to do with it.
(2). Your life is not defined by your abuse or your abuser's death.
Yes, it will be difficult to ever forget what has happened over the past few months, but it is one thing to remember events, quite another to be defined by them. You are a child of God who has significance, value, and worth because of Him. Your future is His. One of these days, I believe that you will be able to help other people overcome the pain of abuse because God has granted you the special grace of experiencing supernatural healing that only comes through enduring unnatural hurt. You have been abused, but you are not defined by that abuse. Your personhood is defined by your God, and He makes no mistakes.
(3). Your ultimate healing (and mine) will one day be in the presence of Christ.
The Bible does not tell us a great deal about heaven, but one description given is that He (Christ) will "wipe away every tear." All the tears caused by the dysfunction and curse of sin will be wiped away by Christ. I don't know how it happens, but somehow, someway, the reconciliation between the abused and the abuser will occur in the presence of Christ. When you are unsure of your forgiveness of your abuser now (a natural feeling, by the way), turn it over to Christ. When you doubt your ability to ever desire to see or speak to your abuser again (a very natural feeling as well), turn it over to Christ. Your abuser professed faith in our Christ, and for many years, he worked to lead others to know Christ. However, no matter what he did on earth for the good of God's kingdom, what he did to you on earth is unconscionable and inexcusable. Christ knows that better than you or I.
Only Christ can bring about the needed reconciliation. He will bring it to pass. Don't despair. Your complete healing is coming one day. And when it comes, it will be done right, with utter and absolute grace and righteousness, and it will be a permanent solution to the wounds in your soul and the sin in your abuser. Christ alone has the kind of power that can wipe away your tears. He will. Until then, I pray you experience Him as your "balm in Gilead."
If, and until we meet in person by God's Providence, know that you have a friend, a Christian pastor serving in the same state as you, who cares for you far more than you may ever comprehend.
In His Love and Grace,
Wade Burleson
38 comments:
Good word Bro. Wade. Appropriate & uplifting.
Beautiful. I hope she has a chance to read it.
Victims take on so much responsibility through their pain - the pain of the initial abuse, the emotional aftermath, telling and retelling the story, pain in discovering some may not believe the story, pain when having to be around abuser. And now this suicide represents more pain that can be heaped on as self-guilt. Your words are right on, Wade. I hope someone will pass along these important words to this precious young child.
My prayer: "Heavenly Father, please minister to 'Tabitha so that the truths of this open letter pierce deep into her soul and bring freedom, hope, and healing. And would that You bring the same freedom, hope, and healing to Tom White's family and those he led in his role in ministry. Amen."
Amen! to your prayer, Alaskan.
I echo Victorious. Amen, Alaska
Julie Anne, Wordofawoman, and Jim,
I trust your affirmations will be encouraging to the young girl as well. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
Wade,
Thank you for this heartfelt post. I will be keeping Tabitha in my prayers as well as Tom White's loved ones.
To All the "Tabithas" everywhere but especially those abused by christian workers in a position of trust- You are special, precious and cherished. This shouldn't have happened to you. It is not your fault. May your tears be seen and your heart comforted.
Bro. Wade,
I love and appreciate you as a brother in Christ. I appreciate your convictions and everything for which you stand. Your open letter certainly offers encouragement for this young victim. Maybe, she will read it. I would ask however, that you reconsider one sentence. You said, “If I could, I would adopt you as my own.” We adults who regularly read your blog certainly understand what you mean. However, I am fearful that a traumatized 10 year old victim of recent abuse might not find comfort in reading that a total stranger wishes to adopt her.
This is what came to my mind as I read your post. If I am off base here please accept my apology and delete this entry.
Blessings,
Good point, anonymous. I changed it to "I would be just as proud of you were you my daughter." Thanks for your concern.
Tom White was a complete fraud. He wore a mask just like so many do in the church. The mask that others wear will eventually come off for others to see.
It bothers me that the Voice of the Martyrs statement asks for prayer 'for the family of the alleged victim', but not for the 'alleged victim' herself.
Anonymous,
I do not believe Tom White was a complete fraud.
I believe he sinned horribly, and felt the guilt and shame of it, but complete fraud is more than I can accept. There but for the grace of God go all of us.
Wade, I suggest you read up about predators and how they think. You seem to not understand who they really are. It is down right disturbing that you would pull the grace card on this guy.I can tell you that this is not the first nor was it the last of what he did. You say that you are concerned about the victims but from what I see, you are on the fence.
Also, the fact is that the Bible talks about the wheat and the tares. Not everybody who goes to church is a Christian.
Anonymous,
Grace cards are not my department. :)
Wow praise God. What an awesome, graceful and kind word. May Tabitha read it and know that godly men and women like yourself love her and care deeply for her even though we do not know her.
Father may you be her comfort, may you be the One she runs to during this horrible time.
I too believe that brother White sinned horribly, and felt the guilt and shame of it.
Father may you also watch over the family of brother White. May they cling to you as they deal with the embarrassment and loss that they feel now.
I could also easily be questioned, how do we know that you are not a predator?
Just asking, since apparently no one is trustworthy.
What a great way to cover your tracks, write a nice fluff piece about caring for the victims when YOU could be a predator too.
I'm making a point ... hopefully you get it.
I find it really interesting how when people have argumentative things to say they never have a name on their post. It always says "anonymous" . It's easy to hide behind a computer screen.
I seriously doubt this girl wants to even think about future reconciliation with White.
I'm the anonymous person above. I should have mentioned that I was moved by the rest of your letter and I think it was wonderful of you to care and write it. I love what you said about Tabitha not being responsible for her abuser's death. That helped even me. I often wonder if my abuser will kill himself, and just reading your words to Tabitha was reassuring. If he kills himself, it's not my fault. Thank you for saying that.
I'm not sure this is an appropriate post considering that you do not know the entire story. It would have been wiser to wait until more facts are revealed.
"Straining at a gnat and swallowing a camel".
Come on guys/gals, a man very possibly did something aweful to a young lady which God's grace (surprising to many covers), took his life, a young girl is traumatized and had the courage to go forward with truth.
I believe the letter to Tabitha is intended to comfort and hope many will look at the heart and credibility of the author of it and not through flesh/religiosity filters.
Many are grieved and in pain no matter the side their on. May the Lord be there richly for all those in need right now, Tabitha and the family of Tom and Tabitha.
Rebecca
My thoughts on this post from one who was sexually abused as a child are:
It's a little creepy and inappropriate for you to give this much attention to a young girl that you do not know, no matter how well intentioned it may be. If I were this girls parents I would not want any strange man coming along to try and "rescue" her.
The fact that you stressed forgiveness and reconciliation with this childs abuser shows how little you understand about the nature of sexual abuse and sexual predators. Because sexual abuse is not about healing ones relationship with a abusers, it's about healing ones relationship with God and ourselves. You have just heaped a burden on this child for even mentioning that she will have to reconcile with her abuser one day in heaven. If in fact this man is truly saved, which I don't understand how you can say that he was for certain because after all isn't that Gods job, where is it in the bible that we have to reconcile with people who abused us? Forgive yes, reconcile no, not in every case. God does not require that. You only reconcile with abusers who are truly remorseful and repentant, and Mr. White was neither.
Anonymous,
Thank you for your comment. The responses I've received from others who have experienced the same pain as you are different than yours, but that does not mean your reaction to this letter is not valid. I trust that Tabitha will feel differently than you. If not, your comment will help her.
Okay… I have to get this off my chest.
There are many Christian ministries that I lost respect for with the passing of time. It happened even when my own faith was unraveling. I grew disgusted and upset at watching Focus on the Family marry the gospel with politics. Then in Campus Crusade
I grew tired of the “us” vs. “them’ mentality they took to IVCF, non-believers, etc.. And all the while they turned around and worshipped Bill Bright.
However Voice of the Martyrs was a Christian ministry I loved. From about 2000 until 2008 I read their newsletters. Read Tom White’s articles and even gave money from time to time. I thought highly of VOM.
So even though I was out of the faith and haven’t picked up a VOM newsletters in over 4 years I immediately knew who Tom White was when I heard what happened. Shock, and disgust as well as a feeling of being sick came to me.
I know on some of the atheistic blogs some are starting to have a field day and juts draw the line between this incident the Roman Catholic Church Scandal, Ted Haggard, Bill Gothard, etc… Even in my unbelief this approach nauseates me.
So I’m left wondering what to think of this entire situation. How does one reconcile the enormity of the crime with the years of service that Tom White did?
Why aren’t more Christians speaking up about this poor child and remembering her in this situation?
Why hasn’t VOM stepped forward to commit to helping this poor child? I mean if they can smuggle Bibles into China, and provide medical treatment in the Sudan…can’t they pay for counseling and financial support for a 10 year old in Oklahoma?
For me this entire situation was a shocker. The corruption of the televangelists was to be expected as there was a lot of sleaze already. Ted Haggard threw himself into the culture wars and embraced politics. But VOM was different…it was in a league of its own.
I don’t know what to think…
I agree with your discussion. I, too, chose VOM for my major financial support because Tom White and VOM were so different from those mentioned above. When I read what he did, I grieved for days. The girl will survive with the right help from fellow Christians. I cannot fathom how a man who has given so much to Christ and Christians in the face of danger could even entertain the thought of doing what he did. Stunned, sad, sick.
Then, too, his family is really suffering. I pray for his children; they will never get out from under this. God, help us all.
Eagle: Thank you for your comment which so reflects my own thoughts on this. It's as if you took the feelings I am feeling and put words to them.
I hope this child never reads or hears about these comments, including mine. Also, I hope she never reads Wade’s letter.
There’s great lessons to be learned, but is it worth destroying the privacy of the girl?
She needs God’s peace—not headlines of newspapers or wagging tongues.
It’s like “When life hangs in the balance, and a friend tosses on a rose.”
Would it help if we all signed a sympathy letter, or would it push her to suicide?
The Holy Spirit's leading is never wrong. It is evident that the Holy Spirit led Pastor Burleson to write this letter. It is AFFIRMING of a young girl’s pain whose soul was "martyred" and the swift timing is CRITICAL.
• Did Tom White not answer the police resoundingly in his reaction to their inquiry?
• In such cases, there is rarely just 1 victim.
• What will it take for believers to see the church is one of the top places pedophiles prey, hide and silence their victims?
A man who worked for the martyred when he was martyring the very least of these. What kind of a people are we to ignore and refuse to look at such a crime against our children for the sake of praise to man?
Healing begins with acknowledgement of the crime. This leads to freedom and a voice of truth. Covering up brings death, shame and power to the pedophile to continue the murder of souls.
“Oh merciful Lord, when will the prostitution of children in the temple and believers praising “the man” no matter the evidence end? Where Lord, are the voices of other “Christian” leaders? Lord, please speak boldly for young victims of the church. Whatever it takes, bring the church to a point of acknowledging the truth of this crime in the body, its victims and working for their healing over the celebrity of man. Bring truth forth as only You can. In Jesus Name, Amen”.
VOM completely left out this young martyr. “Tabatha” represents this one and all the church’s victims. May this letter go viral with a mighty amplifier.
"Only Christ can bring about the needed reconciliation. He will bring it to pass. Don't despair."
Needed reconciliation? No such thing. She does not need him in any way. Do you really believe this girl is in despair because she wants a repaired relationship with the perverted, scary adult who traumatized her?
I'm not sure that some of the commentors, particularly those who wish to remain anonymous, are thinking clearly. :)
I want to apologize for using the term “wagging tongues”. That was used in the context that the parents might think of these comments.
I believe these comments have been said in the best interests of the girl, and I have benefited from each of them as I see how people feel.
“The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience.” (1 Corinthians 10:13 NLT) This scripture applies to both male and female.
We do not know the circumstances and probably only God knows all that happened between these two people.
To name the girl “Tabitha” is a far stretch of the imagination since there is absolutely zero likeness between the two. Better names would be Tamar or Bathsheba.
If Tamar fits the girl, she is completely innocent. But if Bathsheba is better then there are questions.
Ever notice her name starts with “Bath”? Why was she taking a bath that exposed her to the king’s eyes?
When I was 40, I spent five weeks in a hospital unable to walk because of back trouble. I was confined to bed in our home and if I got out of bed I had to crawl. Two sisters across the street played with our daughter a lot. They were in and out of our house. Once with just two of us in the house the 12 year old wanted to wrestle me, and under the same circumstances, her younger sister wanted to get under the covers with me. HUH?...not on your life.
I’m just saying for us to be armchair quarterbacks we might heed: “He without sin may cast the first stone” AND “Go and sin no more.”
Shalom, you’re bringing the Holy Spirit in to back up your belief reminds me of James saying: “For it was the Holy Spirit’s decision—and ours—to put no greater burden on you than these necessary things.” (Acts 15:28 Holman) Paul fought against the decision the rest of his life.
Rex,
You are out of line.
I normally do not delete comments, but yours is about to go into oblivion. The girl in question is 10 years old, and to call her Tamar or Bathsheba and imply she brought this on herself is unconscionable.
I am considering shutting off all comments to this post.
Wade, thank you. I was just about to respond to that comment above but I should probably hold my tongue. BTW I'm not the anonymous above.
Rex Ray I am appalled at your backhanded slap of the victim as if she were the perpetrator and not the older man. He sinned, period.
Joel 2:17 tells the priests who minister before the Lord to stand between the temple porch and altar. Wade, thank you for standing the gap. May this young girl and other victims experience the grace, love, and deep care of God and not the wrath of the pharisees protecting their own wolves in the midst of sheep.
After reading some of these comments I feel the need to identify myself. I am the Anon:Tue Apr 24, 06:34:00 AM 2012. I apologize for not taking the time to log in earlier. I agree with you that some of the Anons are not thinking clearly. I believe that this young victim's best resource for healing will come from the wise counsel and care of loving, caring and supportive friends and family. I pray that she has all of the above.
"I trust that Tabitha will feel differently than you. If not,your comment will help her." This is a self-rightous comment coming from you,Wade.
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