The Great American Tale of the Fishless Fisherman

This tale was given to me by my friend Gerald Polmateer, who had someone else give it to him. The origin of the tale is unknown. It is a story about a group of fishless fishermen.

And lo, it was true that there was much fish in the waters all around. In fact, the whole territory was surrounded by streams and lakes filled with an abundance of fish. And the fish were very hungry.

 Year after year these who called themselves fishermen met in meetings and talked about their divine call to fish, the abundance of fish, and how they might go about fishing. 

They surely appeared to be professional fishermen and were outfitted in the most up to date fashionable fishing dress. Continually they searched for new and better definitions of fishing. They often studied fishing guides taken from various translations and commentaries on fishing. Many searched the world for other books that might contain hidden meanings about fishing. They sponsored costly nationwide and worldwide congresses to discuss fishing, promote fishing, and hear about all the ways of fishing. 

These fishermen built large and beautiful multi-million dollar buildings called "World Fishing Headquarters." Weekly thousands of fishermen gathered to hear the senior fishermen's passionate plea that everyone should be a fisherman and that every fisherman should fish. Sadly though the knowledge of fishing seemed to make everyone feel as though they were in fact fishermen already even though they did not fish. 

So they organized a committee to do more research on fishing. This committee recommended the formation of an oversight board to send out fishermen to other nations where there were many fish. The board was formed by those who had the great vision and courage to speak about fishing, to define fishing, and to promote the idea of fishing in faraway streams and lakes where other fish of different colors lived.

This board often spoke of a particular area of latitude and longitude that had never seen a fisherman and where the largest gathering of fish was. The board hired staffs and appointed other special committees who held many more meetings to define fishing, to defend fishing, and to decide what new streams should be thought about.

But, sadly again, the staff and committee members did not fish. 

Expensive, friendly, comfortable, and contemporary training centers were built to teach the next generation of fishermen about fishing. Many wrote and sang songs about fishing. Others wrote books and made tape series that could be played about the "Art of Fishing", "Positive Confessions of a Fishermen", "How to be a Prosperous Fishermen", "Debt Free Fishing", and "Faith for Fearless Fishing." Those who taught had doctorates in fishology, except, sadly again, the teachers themselves did not fish. They only taught fishing. 

Year after year graduates were sent to do full-time fishing, some to distant waters filled with fish. Most were only gone for a short while. Often returning back to the training center with stories of the difficulties of fishing in hard territories. Further, the fishermen built large printing houses to publish fishing guides. A speaker's bureau was also provided to schedule special speakers on the subject of fishing. Seminars and conferences were scheduled throughout the country with minimum entrance fees to encourage greater attendance on fishing. 

Many who felt the call to be fishermen responded, and were sent to fish. But like the fishermen back home they never fished. Others said they wanted to be part of a fishing party, but they felt called to furnish fishing equipment. They didn't really have the time to fish. Others felt their job was to relate to the fish in a good way so the fish would know the difference between good and bad fishermen. 

After one stirring meeting on "Fishing, The Great Commandment," a young fellow received a mighty breakthrough. He left the meeting and to everyone's surprise, actually went fishing. 

The next day he reported that he had caught two outstanding fish. News spread throughout the fishing network in minutes. Wow! All that training had paid off. The young man was honored for his excellent catch and quickly scheduled to visit all the big fishermen meetings throughout the country to tell how he did it. He was also invited to appear on many fishing television shows. He was so popular with the fishermen that he started his own television program called "To Catch A Fish" and invited others as his special guest to talk about fishing. He became so busy that he quit fishing in order to have more time to tell about his experience to the other fishermen.

Now it's true that many of the fishermen sacrificed and put up with all kinds of hardships and difficulties. Some lived near the water and bore the smell of dead fish every day. They received the ridicule of some who made fun of their fishermen's clubs and the fact that they claimed to be fishermen yet never fished. 

The committed fishermen wondered about those who felt it was of little use to attend the weekly meetings to talk about fishing. After all, were they not following the Master who said, "Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men?" 

Imagine how hurt some were when one day a non-fisherman suggested that those who didn't catch fish were really not fishermen, no matter how much they claimed to be. 

Yet what he said seemed to be correct: "Is a person a fisherman if year after year he never catches a fish?"